beloved, I am not worthy of your love, and yet you love me. I cringe before the light of your love, because I have been lost in darkness so lost. i seek your face, and yet run when you turn towards me. my words are all for vain, because they do no justice to the deep longing i feel; i am completely lost without your love. your love gives me wholeness and purpose, and yet i am afraid to completely rest in you. i am a child of chaos, and sometimes the emptiness and darkness feels more normal than the safety and warmth of your love. help me be content with being at peace, instead of jumping into the abyss. i am not worthy of your love, but time and time again you embrace me over and over. your forgiveness and grace flows abundantly towards me and every wayward child. i keep hearing echoes of your voice, “if you want to get to know me, get to know my kids.” your children like me are not always likable; they sneer, lie, and break each others hurt over and over. every time i want to run, you call me back home to you. you tell me to trust, love, forgive, and then pass on how you love me to the rest of your kids. maybe this time, i’ll finally listen. this time i will stay in your embrace, and learn to love as you love. thank you for your love, and i hope to love those who think unworthy of your love.
thoughts are jumbled
but my heart is free
old hurt places
what is good
A profound moment lost forever
In the wake of worry
Awe’s reverent beauty
Overlooked for life’s illusions
No wonder lights the soul
As worry’s froth and foam
Clouds one’s perspective
Lost in thought and never saying never
Everything is blurry like walking in a flurry
Beauty surrounds me even when I feel pity
Chances squandered, like when an ump cried “foul!”
I dance with death with awe
Each move so seductive
each moment with you
awakens in me
new profound joy
I wrote this poem thinking about my daughter. This past few years have been difficult, but I am extremely grateful to have come through separation and divorce without loosing my appreciation for joy. I would rather have my daughter grow up in two happy households, and then one filled with bitterness and silence.
Each person’s journey is different, and mine is definitely not the one I thought I signed up for, but it’s the one I got in order to grow; I can either embrace it with gratitude, or try to run filled with fear and hate. I choose the first option on a daily basis, and some days I fail miserably. Each day is an opportunity to learn from my mistakes and grow.
My daughter has been a great teacher on how to embrace each momemt, and open my heart to each moment of joy, sadness, beauty, and simply be.
I wouldn’t have experienced moments like this without my daughter in my life. Experiencing a zoo through a child’s eyes is magical, and one that makes my heart full. I am so grateful I was able to share this moment with my daughter, my mother, and of course a giraffe named Jack. Each day is an adventure. 😉