poem: love machine

i wish i could be a love machine
instead i am just a mere human
puttering away at life
full of fear and anxiety
hoping against hope to make it out alive
in this great pandemic

if i was a love machine
than maybe i would write better god damn poetry
maybe i would actually write instead of being paralyzed
but you know what
i am a god damn love machine incased in a human body
my heart beats to love and to grow
my heart beats so I can cry and laugh
and my heart bests so i can write these words of love

Poem: pandemic blues

i know i am not the only one that feels this way,
but i am done with this pandemic.
i am done being surrounded by death,
i am done being surrounded by loss.

grief is so thick in the air,
and part of me wants to run away.
i want to run into something, anything that
is better than the reality of this pain.

and yet i remain, my practices have taught me
to breathe and sit with my pain.
i settle into my meditation cushion,
and i rage at the
loss of friendships,
loss of jobs, and
loss of possibilities yet to be.

my heart aches and yearns for a reality that
is only in my mind.

i sit with my suffering.

i sit with the loss and
accept that death is part of life,
and yet i rage inside and say
“this shit ain’t normal.”

But what can i do?
i am just a laid off chaplain seeking
purpose.

i got the pandemic blues.
But shit, i ain’t hopeless.
i will bear my suffering,
and walk through it
like a fearless boddhisattva
to embrace life and death
as one.