free verse

beloved, I am not worthy of your love, and yet you love me. I cringe before the light of your love, because I have been lost in darkness so lost. i seek your face, and yet run when you turn towards me. my words are all for vain, because they do no justice to the deep longing i feel; i am completely lost without your love. your love gives me wholeness and purpose, and yet i am afraid to completely rest in you. i am a child of chaos, and sometimes the emptiness and darkness feels more normal than the safety and warmth of your love. help me be content with being at peace, instead of jumping into the abyss. i am not worthy of your love, but time and time again you embrace me over and over. your forgiveness and grace flows abundantly towards me and every wayward child. i keep hearing echoes of your voice, “if you want to get to know me, get to know my kids.” your children like me are not always likable; they sneer, lie, and break each others hurt over and over. every time i want to run, you call me back home to you. you tell me to trust, love, forgive, and then pass on how you love me to the rest of your kids. maybe this time, i’ll finally listen. this time i will stay in your embrace, and learn to love as you love. thank you for your love, and i hope to love those who think unworthy of your love.

Premier vs. Free

Dear WP friends,

I have had a Word Press premier membership for the past year, and I am thinking about not renewing it.  Any thoughts on premier vs. free?  Also, does anyone know what will happen to blog posts I have created on my premier address, will it simply disappear or will it transferred to my regular wordpress account?  Thanks for reading, and any suggestions or sharing of experience would be appreciated.

Thanks For Blogger Recognition Award Nomination

untitled

I am grateful and surprised to be nominated by His Perfect Timing (https://hisperfecttiming.blog/) for the blogger recognition award. His Perfect Timing is one of the first blogs that exemplified for me a mix between sharing personal stories and a testimony of one’s faith lived out into the word.

2.png

Rules

  1.  Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog.
  2. Write a post to show your award.
  3. Give a brief story of how your blog started blogging.
  4. Give two pieces of advice to new bloggers.
  5. Select 15 other bloggers you want to give this award to.  Comment on each blog and let them know you have nominated them and provide the link to the post you created.

1.png

My Story

I think my gateway online forum to blogging started with the days of live journal, I used to post about my days. For those of you too young for Friendster and Livejournal, they were social forums before Facebook.  I blogged before, but I got on WordPress this past year and started to share some of my art, poetry and thoughts.  Letters To A Young Spiritual Seeker, the letters, are written as if I am writing to my younger self or someone who was lost but seeking like me.  I don’t know if I have much wisdom to offer, but I do have a wealth of experience of all the dead ends I’ve run into in the spiritual life.

 

Advice

  1. Write from your heart, and share honestly from your experience.
  2. Have fun writing, and approach feedback and blog interactions with an open mind.

My Nominees

  1. I Know I  Made You Smile (https://carldagostino.wordpress.com/): Comic strip by Carl D’Agostino.  This site brings much needed humor with beautiful unique art by Art.
  2. kenziesdrawings (https://kenziesdrawings.wordpress.com/): “Kenzie”‘s blog is full of wonderful drawings that range from paintings, comic strips, and even reflections and commentary.
  3. Paul Militaru: A Photography Portfolio (https://photopaulm.com/): Beautiful scenic photography by Paul.
  4. Street Photography (https://strassenfotografien.wordpress.com/): Beautiful street photography from Germany (I think), each shot brings wander and full imagination of a possible story.
  5. Beauty Beyond Bones (https://beautybeyondbones.com/): A wonderful blog about the writer’s journey through anorexia recovery, but reflections about her own life including her life of faith.
  6. Debbie’s Journey to Health and Hope (https://debbiesjourneytohealthandhope.com/): A wonderful blog about a woman’s journey through losses and grief moments in her life that helped her grow.
  7. Food To Glow (https://kelliesfoodtoglow.com/): A wonderful blog by Kellie, and ex-pat that lives in Scotland.  Blog contains wonderful recipes and guidance of healthy nutrition for cancer.
  8. Yoga Mom: Yoga Happens Every Day–Divorce and All(https://yogamomdaily.wordpress.com/): Beautiful Poetry by Lorien that shows the joys and sadness of life, and that everything can be used for growth.
  9. My Valiant Soul (https://myvaliantsoulsblog.wordpress.com/): Beautiful poetry from a young woman.
  10. Urban Poetry (https://urbanpoetry2017.com/) by Linda J. Wolff has beautiful free verse paired with wonderful images.
  11. Matthew Mulinge: My Glass Mind (https://mathewmulinge.wordpress.com/) The blog features quotes of day, and posts that share wisdom and inspiration.
  12. Make It Ultra (https://makeitultrapsychology.wordpress.com/): Beautiful insights by Eric Perry, who provides psychoeducational info along with posts that inspire and motivate you towards wholeness.
  13. Lipstick and Grace (https://lipstickngrace.wordpress.com/): A hidden gem in the blog world by Sabrina that features her funny and quirky insights that includes her faith in everyday life.
  14. Free Verse Revolution (https://freeverserevolution.wordpress.com/): Wonderful poetry by Nicholas Gagnier that covers parenthood to politics.
  15. Anything is Possible : With Hope, Faith, and Perseverance(https://joannaoftheforest.wordpress.com/): A wonderful blog by JoAnne, who likes to go by JoAnna.

 

 

A Letter about Love

Dear Friend,

First off, I am surprised that you come to be seeking guidance on romantic love.  I feel like you could guide me more authentically and wisely than I could.  I have not always loved well, nor allowed myself be loved with gentleness.  I think we all struggle with this.

I know you are young, and lots of people are advising you to be careful and not rush into love. I for one make no such suggestion.  Let your heart love fully and without restraint. Part of learning to love is having it break from time to time, so it can be remolded.  Just remember to let it soften, instead of becoming hard like stone.

It has been my experience that real love makes the heart expand, and real love for me cannot occur until I have opened myself to the Divine Lover. No human power can love you or love me fully, we will always be let down. So I make no suggestions about finding the perfect person, navigating online dating, or where to find the love of your life.

My guidance for you since you asked for it, would be to learn to be at peace with solitude.  Spend your alone hours building your relationship with the God of your understanding, and just bask in the love between you and your God.  The rest will follow.

All of this is easier said than done.  There will be hours of the day that you are hit with profound loneliness and longing, the type that can easily lead one to despair.  I have ventured into the dark waters of self pity, despair, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts; there’s no real love in such darkness.  However, hope and love can be a beacon of light out of such darkness.

Remember that love does not happen when we always want it, so be at peace with yourself. Enjoy the quiet hours of your life, and embrace loving the very people in your life instead of always seeking for the one.

I hope love finds you again and again, until you are at home with the one who breathed life into you and calls you by name.

 

Love and Love,

Your Friend on this Journey of Life

A Letter about Grief

Dear Friend,

I have no words…I wish I could simply hug you and hold you. But you asked me for words to help you through your grief and loss, so I will try to put into words what has been helpful to me.

I speak to you not as a chaplain, pastor, but simply as a human to a human…heart to heart.

Giref has no rhyme or reason. If someone tells you what stage of grief you should be on politely ask them to go away before you punch them in the face. 🙂 Just kidding. 

One of the hardest things for me has been to simply give myself to the process, and not try to control or judge myself as I am going through the grief and loss process. Some days I want to cry, laugh, punch a heavy bag of all of the above. No one knows how to feel except you, so let your own heart be the guide.

Sometimes you’ll feel like God has abandoned you, but God is so close. I’m not sure what it’ll b like for you, but remember you are not alone. Let the people that love you love on you and let them if they need to simply sit and hold your hand.

A lot of people suggested I write to process my grief, but there are days that all I could do was sit, breathe and blankly stare at the wall. Other times I wanted to scream, and once or twice words poured out of me. 

I will hold you in the Light as always.
Love and Love,
Your Friend on this Journey

500

Poem I first wrote on my Hello Poetry site.

————-

500

five hundred words are not enough
to say all the things I need to say
but five hundred poems are damn sure enough
on hello poetry to get noticed

alas, I write poetry for the sake of poetry
just like good ole Charles Bukowski
cranking out words with a foul mouth
without a care for the audience

I write words for the sake of my soul
because it is the only time that my heart
feels free to be whatever it needs to be
without the world confining me

so damn straight. I wrote five hundred
words for my five hundredth poem
because I rarely write so many words
to express what is in my soul

I should be listening to jazz while I write this
just like Kerouac so my words will have a beat and rhythm
of the sounds of bebop, instead of a cadence of all my own
who wants originality when you can have novelty

everyone is nostalgic to recreate what has been captured before
the great writers and poets of our time regurgitate what’s been said
for me I don’t really give a damn about the words,
so much as how I let the words live out into my life through my actions

words matter because they order our thoughts and feelings,
they give shape to the amorphous images that play in our minds and hearts and once something comes into being, then oh man man do they have power
that’s why knowing the name of something really means something

who knows if meaning comes from the words, or words come from the meaning
did the chicken came first or the egg?
all I care about is how you cook the damned chicken or the egg
fried chicken and I prefer my egg sunny side up

Bukowski eat your heart out as I write my stream of consciousness
five hundred word poem for my five hundredth poem
is it getting a bit redundant?
I am a firm believer that less is more

but sometimes I want my words to beat out like they used to
on old type writers like a damn machine gun
the beat flowing like the drums of a marching band
that gives life to even the worst of brass section

I don’t know if my heart can truly sing in a sea of so many words
I prefer capturing a single moment with 10 words, maybe 20 words
anything more than that feels like a waste
just like a coffee ice cream ruined by too much toppings

I am a minimalist at heart
even though I can’t declutter my stuff
holding onto old forgotten receipts
closet full of clothes I never wear

however, on most days my mind is clutter free
old resents are shoved out
fear written and jotted away
the book of the past closed

each day is a gift
freely given
each breath new

may you be blessed
may we keep sharing
for fun and
for free