Poem/Prayer: To Seek

O Creator,
I have been seeking you since I was a child.
I sought you in the mountains, Oceans, in cave temples, churches,
bars, dark alleys, halls of universities, in stadiums, and finally
in the seat of my heart.

You, who wove me in my mother’s womb was never far away,
as I was seeking You: You were searching with me.
I felt so abandoned and alone, but there you were…right beside me,
dwelling within me. You were so close that I could not see,
I could not fathom Your love always surrounding; Your love is like
the air I breathe, so I took it for granted.

No longer do I seek you, because I am home.
No longer will I turn from Your ways,
eating the left overs of pigs.

I will be Your humble servant,
I am Yours.

free verse

beloved, I am not worthy of your love, and yet you love me. I cringe before the light of your love, because I have been lost in darkness so lost. i seek your face, and yet run when you turn towards me. my words are all for vain, because they do no justice to the deep longing i feel; i am completely lost without your love. your love gives me wholeness and purpose, and yet i am afraid to completely rest in you. i am a child of chaos, and sometimes the emptiness and darkness feels more normal than the safety and warmth of your love. help me be content with being at peace, instead of jumping into the abyss. i am not worthy of your love, but time and time again you embrace me over and over. your forgiveness and grace flows abundantly towards me and every wayward child. i keep hearing echoes of your voice, “if you want to get to know me, get to know my kids.” your children like me are not always likable; they sneer, lie, and break each others hurt over and over. every time i want to run, you call me back home to you. you tell me to trust, love, forgive, and then pass on how you love me to the rest of your kids. maybe this time, i’ll finally listen. this time i will stay in your embrace, and learn to love as you love. thank you for your love, and i hope to love those who think unworthy of your love.