I know you are lost in your sadness, and your heart is hurting right now. Everything in your bones is telling you that this pain you feel will never go away. I am here with you, and instead of telling you not to wallow in your pain I will simply let you know that you are not alone.
I too know what it’s like to have heartache, but I say that not to lessen your pain or even to say our pain is the same, because it’s not. Each pain and ache is different, and as you travel down the depths of sadness I will be here waiting for you. I pray that a loving God of your understanding travels with you and guide you safely to the world you are trying so hard to be in, even though it feels like you are sleep walking.
Time takes time, and please I hope you do not fight laughter and joy returning to your life, when you start awakening to life again. I thought I would be numb forever, and somehow slowly my heart started remawakening to each day. Sometimes I still cry, but I laugh a lot too. Don’t forget you are not alone, and I’ll be here waiting as you make the journey back home to your heart.
I know everything is new right now. You and your family just moved from South Korea to Asheville, NC. I know you feel a little bit overwhelmed, and everything is new. Remember to not take things personally, when well meaning folks talk down to you because you have a foreign name. Be patient with your teachers when they stick you in a closet with a Mircofiche machine half the time at school, instead of letting you just be immersed with the other kids. You and your family moved to an area at a time when ESL did not exist.
More than anything, little EunSung, be patient with yourself. I know you’re a very sensitive child, and it will be hard for you to find ways to express yourself. Be patient with your mom, dad and brother; it will be stressful to all of you as you adjust to a new culture and a new language.
And the most important of all, there’s a God out there that you’ve not experienced yet that loves you for you. A God that does not judge you, even when human beings fail to live up to the standards of this love. God loves you, even when white rural churches in NC could not totally accept and love you and your family. Don’t loose heart. God loves you for all of you, even you being Korean immigrant in a strange place, and eventually your family will choose American names to assimilate due to fear of being singled out and made an other.
Your journey will be sad at times, but all of it precious in the eyes of your Higher Power. All of your pains and joys will eventually be used to serve God and help others. But for now, you’re only 9. Enjoy each day and have fun.
Your Jaded Older Self
PS–Your beloved Cubs win the World Series in 2016. You fell in love with the Cubs when you watched them play at Wrigley Field on WGN, as a immigrant boy in the States trying to fit in. What’s more American than baseball? The Cubs had you by the 7th inning stretch, when Harry Carray sang “Take me Out to the Ballgame.” Enjoy all of it little EunSung.