wondering what might have been
what could have been
thoughts like an unwanted nose bleed
I got the insomnia blues
life is good,
with the people you love
I guess we are all living on borrowed time. We never know how much time we have on this earth. My father would not listen to my words, but he did listen to his doctors saying that if he did not do dialysis that he would have less than three months. I am grateful that doctors, nurses, and staff at High Point Regional hospital took good care of my dad.
It’s been a month, since my father started doing dialysis at his local dialysis center, and the funny thing is that he likes going there. Life is strange and comical sometimes.
In the mean time, I am reflecting on life and death, hanging out with my four year old daughter, and trying to support my mom and dad. I have been trying to keep my older brother in the loop.
I am currently at my parents’ house for a one week vacation. I am slowly softening and being more gentle with my father, even with his usual O.C.D. and crazy questions about future planning…breathe… and practice patience, love and tolerance. 🙂
I have been meditating still, I just haven’t had the time to post on WordPress on a daily basis. I apologize to my followers.
I’ve been doing a lot of metta, but today I focused on my breath.
Meditation Poem #62
how precious is each breath
each my last
I don’t talk about my vocation as a chaplain a lot, but I’ve worked in hospital settings to currently a retirement community. Grief, loss, and death seem to be reoccurring themes in the life of chaplaincy.
I do enjoy being a chaplain in more of a communal setting than the random visits that happen in a hospital setting, but it also makes it more difficult when people die. Pastors and ministers are people too, and it’s sad, when I am constantly saying goodbye to people I form a deep bond with. However, I know God is using me and my gifts to journey with folks as they approach the end, or approach the ultimate new beginning for those of who believe that death is not the end.
It’s interesting what our pop culture says about death. I know Star Wars takes myth and views of multiple religions and blends them in one; I equated Zen Buddhism and Taoism as the largest spiritual inspirations of Star Wars. The Force seems similar to the Great Tao that cannot be named. Jedi masters like Yoda act as strange Taoist sages, or eccentric Zen monks that talk in paradox. I am still unsure where Force ghosts fit into all this, but it does strike to this notion that death is not the end for all of us that we are still tied to life by the Force even in death.
In Christianity, there is a strong sense of the communion of saints. Saints aren’t necessarily force ghosts that come back after death to give us wisdom, but they do speak to us through the walls that divide life and death. All of this to say that what separates life and death is not as clear as we make it out to be. I love the Buddhist notion that each breath leads to our last, and this is not to make us depressed and withdraw from life, but the awareness of death allows to see each breath as a precious moment and gift.
life connects us,
weaves us together
into a beautiful tapestry
When you’re young, you think you are immortal. We are taught the value of our lives lie in what we produce, and what we accomplish.
But at the end of the day, as you age, it’s not your possessions, wealth or prestige that matters.
The question at the tip of one’s tongue in old age is did I love well? Do they know I loved them? Do the ones I love love me? Unspoken moments of “I love you” are often the biggest regrets in our lives.